Thursday, 29 October 2015

Stoptober #fail?

Have you been trying really hard during October not to drink alcohol? Or maybe you've been trying really hard to stop smoking?

Are you "dying for Sunday" when you can drink or smoke again?

Why is it SO HARD to stop smoking?  Is it because it's SO ADDICTIVE?  Or because you're SO WEAK?  NO!!!!

It's because you taught your unconscious mind an automatic habit and it's job is now to KEEP DOING IT!!

It's the same principle as driving.  You learn and at first it's hard, you make mistakes (crash the gears, crash the car!) and then it just "clicks".  Now you can do it.  Now you can drive.  And you never really have to think about it again.  In fact it's best if you don't think about it.  Let it happen.  Automatically.

Of course it can be the same with drinking.  Do you get home and open a bottle or a can?  Or go to the pub after work? Or maybe you go out on a Friday or Saturday night and drink one drink after another after another after another...

You developed a habit.  You're not an addict.  You're not an alcoholic.  You learned a process and your unconscious mind just kept doing it for you.

So when Stoptober comes around - or New Year's Resolutions - or your birthday - you try really hard. And you stop.  You don't stop thinking about smoking or drinking though do you?  You think about it all the time?  It drives you crazy!!!

Then finally it's the first of November, or the end of January or Friday night !!  And you're back.

You didn't break the habit.  You didn't break the connection at the unconscious level.

Some people will stop completely, forever with willpower or as some like to call it "cold turkey".

Some won't.  In fact the majority of people won't stop.  They will start again at some point.  They think they can "just have one".  Their mind - or their friends - persuade them they can "just have one" that they're in control.   You've been there haven't you?

But it's just like riding a bike or driving a car.  You didn't forget how to do it (whatever it is).  And now you're back.  To Square One.

It's why I'm here.  The NLP and hypnotherapy processes I use get into your unconscious mind and break the habit at the that level.  So you don't have to think about smoking ever again.  You don't automatically open a bottle or can when you get home because you, once again, YOU have a choice!

Read some of the letters from my clients and you'll see what we can do.

I can give you a choice.

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Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Christmas IS coming!

Two months on Sunday.  Yes, that's right, two months on Sunday it will be Christmas Day.

Does that fill you with dread?

There's the normal type of dread.  Maybe you haven't bought a single present yet - and have no idea what to get.  Maybe you haven't started soaking your dried fruit in rum.

Then there's that horrible, underlying anxiety.  That dread deep inside which says "oh no" another Christmas.

I'm sure there's been loads of research about how anxiety for many, is a major issue around Christmas.

Me, my hubsand and my son always spent Christmas with my parents.   Sometimes we'd stay for a few days, eating together, watching TV,  visiting friends and relatives.

After Mum died it was harder.  For one thing I had to start doing all the cooking!  But we still all got together.

In 2010 I took Dad to my brother's in New Zealand - we had a great "family" Christmas with the grandchildren and great-granchildren.

But then my Dad died and there's just the three of us.  And it's just not the same.

There are two major causes of anxiety for some people when they think about Christmas.
One is the thought of having to socialise, mingle, eat, drink and be merry with "the family".
The other is the thought of being alone.

One event, two ends of the spectrum, one emotion.  Anxiety.

You can read advice in all the magazines and newspaper columns.  What you could do.  What you should do.  How to change your feelings.

The way I deal with it is to treat it as any other day.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Anixety is just thinking about something.  Giving it more meaning than perhaps it deserves.

I won't presume to give you any more advice. Except this.  It's another day.  It will be over soon.

Friday, 16 October 2015

How To Start a New Habit

As you know I'm all about breaking habits, stopping doing things. But how do you start a new habit?

Well let's think about the logic.  To break a habit we need to break a connection.  Think of the things you do, automatically, without thinking about it.  For example having a biscuit with a cup of tea or a cigarette with a coffee.  Every time!  You don't think about - you've done it before you think about it.
You get in a car and drive it.  What do you do first? Next? Are you sure? The pattern is that one thing happens then the next, then the next.  You don't have to think about it anymore because you've programmed yourself.

If you practise something enough times it will become a habit.  Research tells us it is 21 times.  So after 21 times the habit is established.

But what about the first 21 times?  How can you remember when something isn't yet a habit? How can you form a new habit?

Well go back to the beginning.  Our minds make connections.  Everytime this happens I do this.  Every time. There's a trigger effect.

So to start a new habit we need to link it to something else that we already do.  Something we always do.  Without thinking about it!

Would you like to start exercising?  What do you do every day already?  You get out of bed.  So how about putting your trainers by the bed and stepping straight into them when you get up?

I have a joke.  It's a weak joke I know but I quite like it!  Have you heard of kettle bells?  Those weights in the shape of a very old fashioned kettle?  Do you know why they are called kettle bells (they certainly don't resemble today's modern kettles!)  Here's the joke: because you keep them by the kettle!!!  OK I know it's not that funny but if you did keep some weights by the kettle you could lift them a few times everytime you put the kettle on.  You wouldn't forget because they'd be there.  Waiting for you.

If you do have a tendency towards putting the kettle on quite often then the kettle is an ideal trigger.  Do you need to drink more water?  Every time you put the kettle on have a glassof water.

A lot of my clients come to me because the have a habit they want to break.  A common one is opening a bottle of wine or beer when they get home from work.  Get home. Take off shoes.  Open bottle.   So if you want to exercise more maybe change it to get home, take off shoes, run up and down stairs twice. Or get home, take off shoes, drink water.

I'm simplifying here but I think you'll get the idea!

To develop a new habit:

1. Choose something you want to do regularly.
2. Choose something you already do regularly.
3. Link the thing you want to do to the thing you already do.
4. Continue for 21 days/times and notice if you're then doing the new habits without noticing!

Of course to break a habit:

1. Call me
2. Come for a session of NLP and Hypnosis
3. Break the Habit
4. Help yourself by putting a positive new habit in place of the old negative habit.

Remember my new number 0113 834 5424
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